Sunday, 27 May 2012

Family Fun

A bad, bad morning, because M needed some new t-shirts so we had to go shopping, the boy-o was not happy. We had a lot of 'no want to' and 'no shopping, play'; and when I offered that he could go to bed instead, he said 'go to bed' (bother) I started to walk him upstairs, at which point he said...'no, go shopping'. However, it was the quickest trip we could make.

I'd intended to give him a small nap (which he has mostly grown out of) but we were up late this morning, we didn't actually have time before the park. We had lunch, then set off to the park early; mostly because I wanted to find the ducks to feed; with the going out of date bread (wouldn't normally bother me, but it was going mouldy).

We wandered around the park, and eventually went to the play area where we had arranged to meet. And other people came - mostly people that we know from the play-and-stay but other people came. We had a lovely couple of hours playing... the big kids and some dads went to play cricket; the littlies played in the sand, on the slide, and on the swings. We had ice-creams. We played with footballs and tennis balls. And we talked; and shared our subtly different parenting issues.

I can't tell you other people's stories, but there were some told. One couple who came are in the middle of their second introductions. Others have issues with schools - terrifyingly horrid issues, others have family issues. It was good to share. I was able to admit to my concerns about boy-o going to nursery school in Sept and whether he will be ready. I also mentioned that I spoke to my boy's brother's mother earlier in the week - that's not something you can readily do with other mummy friends!

We enjoyed ourselves, we talked about future plans - because parks are fine for summer, but not so good in winter. We talked about what people wanted. We gathered as parents of 'different' children and talked about where we are; and listened. It is something that is needed, both for us as parents and for the older children who don't meet other adopted children very often.

We had issues because boy-o was tired and hot. But others understood; because they get that emotionally he's not the same age as he appears. Issues as in, I will tantrum and roar and lay on the floor and cry unless you change your mind and let me do what I want! He's 3, acts as a 2 year old and looks like a 4 year old - I'm getting used to funny looks, however today there were no funny looks, just a bit of sympathy.

Other people enjoyed it and have said they will come next time - and hopefully this is the start of something that we need and will continue.

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Old problem revisited.

So after an ill week last week, with boy-o been with either myself or M all week; today he went back to the childminders.

There were tears this morning before he was dropped off. There were tears when he was picked up - and 2 1/2 hours into tonights sleep, there has been shaking and screaming already. Ever think I shouldn't have gone back to work.

I can explain it, I can understand it, but I can't help him. I wish I could. I'm thinking of ordering a photo-pillow case, so that he has our image with him at all night.

I wish that I could reassure him, that although we have to leave him, we will always come back. He is with us for good... Last night I read our 'Owl Babies' book - with the key message, Mummys always come back. Tonight we had 'We belong together'. And he knows - but I come back again to the 'does he understand what it means?'

Nothing more we can do for the moment, except give him what he needs, reassurance!

Friday, 11 May 2012

Ill boy...

What a week...
Boy-o has been ill and properly so since last Sunday! It's taken until today for him to be able to stay awake for more than an hour at a time. This is the first time he's been properly ill since he came to us 14 months ago - so it had to happen sometime.

Last Sunday we went for a walk with our friends, 4 adults, 2 children, 2 dogs... it's the right ratio trust me. Boy-o had been a bit off in the morning, but we thought he'd be okay - and actually he was for most of the walk, then suddenly he went flat - M carried him for the last bit. We went to friends house for cake - which initially boy-o didn't want - should have been a clue. He did have some of my cake in the end.

We left them, and came home. Got in, sat on sofa at which he was promptly sick all over me. I love vomit... it makes me gag. We cleaned him up - gave him toast for tea, and put him to bed and thought nothing of it, as we thought tiredness and our old friend car sickness had come to visit.

When he woke up on Monday, he had a raging temperature which I struggled to get down for any length of time, all day Monday. He was less active than normal, but did start off trying to play as normal. However it was clear as the day went on that he wasn't well. Tuesday, he went to the Dr, who said he has a virus (we'd figured that out) but nothing serious. He spent Tues, Wed and Thurs sitting on our laps, cuddling and sleeping. He'd wake up for about 30mins, then drift off back to sleep. I spent most of Tues afternoon catching vomit on my hands - lovely not. On Thurs we managed an hour awake, and finally starting to eat again. Today - Friday - he managed a more normal day - although we spent some time cuddling and sitting, he did manage to walk for about 20mins on the moor.

I am glad he is getting better - this week he has worried us. But it has been wonderful to sit and cuddle and be able to look after him - building stronger attachments is good, but I wouldn't want him ill for anything. My poor, poor boy. I'm hoping tomorrow that he'll be back to 90%, and that come Monday we'll be back fitting fit.