It was boy-o's birthday last week - we had a lovely day; lots of presents, happy people and cake. But we didn't have a party - which is a little controversial amongst some of the Mums that I socialise with... we didn't have a party for a really good reason - but we did spend the afternoon with people that we all love - even boy-o loves them.
Last year just before he came home to us his foster carers had a party - both a goodbye and an early birthday party rolled into one. Included in this was lots of presents for him. And I don't mind, I think his foster carers are fab; but it has left us with a little problem.
Boy-o seems to associate presents with moving on; parties more so. At Christmas we managed to space things out, so it wasn't a big day, just a day with presents and some family visitors. At the start of January he was baptised and we had a celebration of that and his adoption - this brought about 4 weeks of interrupted nights - waking up screaming and shouting.
His birthday has had the same response, but not as extreme. I've not had an uninterrupted nights sleep since.... he has cried 'stay with mummy, stay with daddy' repeatedly. He has woken up screaming and shaking. The nights when I've been at work during the day are worst... we had a review day last Wed; and he'd woken up about 15times in the night - I had to spend the day talking to parents with virtually no sleep!
He knows we love him, he knows when we ask him that he is staying with us 'ever' (forever). But I don't think he understands... and I don't know how to help him understand. His behaviour has been worse - lack of sleep perhaps -and my patience has been thin - definitely lack of sleep. I've got to the point that I want him to be ill, so I don't have to take him to the childminders and I don't have to go to work. How mad is that? and I want him to catch the bug that's going round so we can have it. He needs some time with us, and it's only another week until we have 2 weeks together.
Obviously I don't want him ill, but I want to help him get past this. He has issues with been left and although he loves preschool, and his childminders; at the moment he will cry for extra kisses and cuddles. I can't not leave him when he starts as that seems like a slippery slope - but I do hate it.
Another bridge to cross - more work needed on reassurance.
We will get there.... I am confident. In the future we will have birthdays and parties and all sorts of such jolliness; but I need to help him deal with this now - and I don't know how!
#MicroblogMondays 165: Choosing to Be Calm
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