Monday, 24 May 2010

2nd Home Study Visit

We had another meeting with our social worker this morning. I still think that she is nice and knows her job really well. We spent some time doing general chit-chat and then moved onto our family trees/history.

M started with his and looked at grandparents, aunts & uncles, cousins and children of. The idea is that as well as sharing your family tree that we share our memories of the people, and how important they were when growing up and how important they are now. This lets the social worker know about your family life and what things were like growing up for you.

We spoke about his parent's and his sister (and her family) and how they have reacted to the news of us wanting to adopt. We talked about his mum's nervousness about it, but SW seemed really understanding of the difficulties that you can have with potential grandparents. We talked about our nieces and how much we have to do with them.

M spent over an hour on his family tree and I just started mine. It was a short meeting today and SW had somewhere else to be. Therefore the next meeting will be more about my family history, but as we are away next week (hurrah for Scotland) it'll be two weeks before we see her again.

I need to think of a better name for our social worker SW just seems so impersonal!

Thursday, 20 May 2010

Isn't it odd, I can go for weeks without an adoption conversation, and then in the week that we start our home study, I can't get away from them.

I've had conversations with all sorts of people, from my friend last night who yet again said 'you will be a good mum, I can't wait for it to happen to you', this was after a long in depth discussion about what happened on Monday. I had a conversation with Head (of the school) about the home study, what the process is, and where we are, he thankfully approved my next 6 appointments for the homestudy with pay. I've had conversations with my Mum, about what is happening, and what she can do to help. I've had to talk through the process of the homestudy, so many times this week, I'm beginning to think that I could do it in my sleep.

But it is all positive. I feel positive. I am sure that we are doing the right thing. And there will be more waiting, but I can see a gorgeous beam of hope shining.

Monday, 17 May 2010

First Home Study Meeting

We've met our social worker... and she seems nice. She arrived early this morning, which I think is a positive sign, I'd hate to have been waiting around for her.

Started off with general chit - chat. We talked about the things that are involved in the home study, and had to dig out passports, driving licences, birth and marriage certificates to show her - luckily we could lay our hands on them straight away.

We talked about how we had found the prep group, and what else we'd like more information about. We talked about the reading that I've been doing and what she suggested a couple more books to look at, Primal Wound and Theraplay, both of which I've looked at, but the library doesn't have and they're not cheap! We discussed the birth mother and the adopted adult (not related) that we met on the prep course and how their stories had impacted us.

We talked about the child/ren that we would like to adopt. She seemed delighted that we didn't necessarily want a tiny baby and the fact that we had rationalised this out. Our argument is that we can't actually have a baby, adoption (from foster care) is different, and therefore we want to acknowledge the difference rather than hide it. We talked about birth families, and that there will always be a child shaped hole in the birth family, and a birth family shaped hole in the child/ren's lives.

We obviously covered lots more than this! General topics included attachment, adoption stories of people that we know (both adopted and adoptees). Stories about children I know through school - i.e. how parenting can have an impact. We talked about schools - she said that she is presently working with a family whose child is in reception and has been excluded from school before they are 5. It's a fantastic school - at least by ofsted measures. I said that I know that a good school might not know how to deal with 'difficult' children, citing where I work compared to the schools just up the road!

We talked for about 2 hours, but this did include about 30 mins trying to sort out the next 6 sessions! After that she will be meeting our families (those that it is possible to) and some of our referees. As she only works part time, she admitted it might take her longer than normal to write up our report for panel, but that we should be approved before Christmas. Then they would hope to match us up with a child/ren within the next year.

I'm relieved that the first meeting is over - and feel happy that we are making progress. She seemed happy that we talk and have talked about adoption issues, and are starting to think about how to parent an adopted child!