Friday, 7 February 2014

A year on...

This week the theme for the Weekly Adoption Shout Out #WASO is A Year I thought I'd run with that...

A year ago, we were anxiously waiting for paperwork to start adoption number two, (I've checked back). I was busy at work, doing all sorts of things that I always do (I haven't checked, I've assumed). We were a family of 3 doing okay (mostly) with boyo coping with most of what was coming his way. Apparently a year ago, he had a crying fit at school 'because he didn't want the baby to stay'... or in fact he had watched one of his friends get to go home after crying...about his baby brother. I was also celebrating our adoption support networks, filled with amazing friends.

A year ago, I could not have imagined what this year would bring... a new child, an upcoming house move, looking towards a statement for boyo at school, more doctor, post adoption support, new friends,

We have had a good year - with some incredibly difficult patches. Things once more have changed beyond recognition... and we are slowly finding a way to a new normal. Some weeks are good - last week was good, some weeks are more tricky... I find it hard to be calm and sympathetic on 3 hours sleep. We have amazing moments of pure joy... and we have moments that I could sit and cry.

A year ago, I thought my heart and life were full. I had no idea that there was room for more. A year ago I was confident that we were through the worst with boyo and things were getting better... I had no idea of the effect of full time school. A year ago, I was still asking questions of experienced adopters... now I am asked the questions...although I still ask them of others.

Time doesn't stand still, and neither do our lives. A year is a long time, but at the same time, just a blink of an eye.

Well done The Adoption Social - a year ago, you started something... which has grown and grown, along with a community of supportive people. I hope you continue  for many a year to come, as we all walk aside each other, learning from each other and sharing joy and tears.

Sunday, 2 February 2014

A calmer time

The end of another week, the passing of another weekend...but this one has been more peaceful than recent ones, not perfect, why would I want that but more peaceful. 

We had a reflective time this past week, lots of night time awake, and chatting. We know what to do, but putting it into practice is hard. Last weekend by Sunday evening, moods were bad, there had been shouting and screaming and kicking...we all did some of one of them. The week started in the same way, except for one difference....

It didn't matter what boyo did, I did not shout at him. I got quiet, I got patient (very patient), I acknowledged his feelings, I did what needed doing without saying 'you can do that if you try'. When he let go of the pushchair, I stopped and waited. When he chewed toys, I removed them and gave him a chew, when he kicked I just cuddled and said 'I'm sorry you feel so cross'. 

And for this week it worked, the week ended calmer, the weekend started calmer. Who cares that we know he can put his shoes on, right at the moment he can't. Who cares if he can put his trousers on if he thinks about it, right now he can't.

Okay, I lie, we weren't perfect and calm at all times. I don't function on 4 hours sleep...this was more because Jelly was ill than anything else. But, and this is important, each day was a fresh start, and I made sure it was.

It resulted in a lovely weekend, with no lingering resentment (apart from about the lack of sleep).

Now just to do it all again!