look how far we've come...

I wasn't going to post tonight, but I felt a need to. Please look at my previous post for a quick ICLW intro and questions about pushchairs!

This time last year we'd just been approved to adopt. I'm presently typing one handed as our son is curled up on me. He is asleep but if I try to move him, he'll wake up and start crying. He's been to bed but coughed himself awake, and got into a real state. 'Mummy, mummy, mummy' all he would say until he fell asleep on my lap. Dreams do come true!

Sibling Meeting

I know I posted about boy-o's siblings a few weeks ago. At the time Emily commented about the fact that she was surprised that the him and his siblings have been split up so much. I think because the children have been removed at different times they have been placed separately... the two oldest children have sadly been removed and put into care, and then returned more than once. The next two girls were put into care at the same time as the older two, but have never been placed back with the birth family. The twins and boy-o were removed at birth.

The twins were adopted by a couple who have an older adopted daughter. The younger of the twins have some complicated issues which means that they felt unable to adopt boy-o.

I met the twins and their mum a couple of weeks ago. It was an interesting experience - in a good way.

Boy-o shares characteristics with both of the boys. Physically he is more like the younger of the two; when J (boy3) smiled at me, it was like looking at boy-o. Their mum said that boy-o very much reminded her of boy3.

J has mild cerebral palsy; and walked on his tiptoes and tripped and is clumsy - much like boy-o. However, their Mum commented that boy-o is a much better walker than J was at the same age. J also has delayed speech; and is still delayed, he doesn't talk much more than boy-o. He had a small head at birth, and although an MRI didn't show anything, he has off days, where he really can't focus. He also chews everything - which boy-o also does!

S is not at all physically like boy-o. But character wise you can see the similarities. S loves water; as does boy-o. They are both extremely active and happy souls.

I did enjoy meeting the twins and their mum. It was fascinating to chat to their mum about them, and also talk about the birth family - we both know the story and don't need to protect our children by hiding information. I'm looking forward to seeing them again sometime soon.

The last part of Emily's question was:
'I wanted to ask you if you are allowed another adoption of kids in care, and if so if you would consider it.'
Absolutely, if it's the right thing for our family. There is a lot of discussion about it in our house - maybe, maybe not. The only thing I can say right now - is not yet!

PreSchool

Our local village pre-school takes children at 2 1/2 years, which seems ridiculously early especially as boy-o has only been with us 6 months. But back in April I put his name down on the waiting list and he started in the middle of September.

He attends 3 mornings a week - which if it seems too many I fully intend to cut back on. But he seems to be loving it - it gives him freedom to run about and mix and socialise with other children. He comes home from pre-school talking about what he's done and who he's played with. This is really positive to me - 7 months ago he was barely talking and really only playing alongside other children - he actually interacts with them now.

There is a secondary bonus - it's getting him used to not been with me 24/7... and as I am going back to work in just over 2 months (ugh!) he's got to get used to this.

He comes home with paintings and stickings and activities that he's done. I can tell that he's not entirely settled because he's obviously flitting from one thing to another - but he's getting there. The staff are lovely and have listened when I have spoken about his anxiousness and separation anxiety... they are spending time with him, getting to know him. I wrote what felt like an essay in his second week, explaining that he will sometimes have unusual reactions to what should be common events - flashbacks!

The first week I left him, he was fine. The second week he wanted me to stay and play with him - he likes it there, but would like it more if I could play with him as well! This morning there were tears again - we'll see, we will see...

I've spoken to our SW about it - she is happy that he is settled enough to go. She knows that I will pull him out if there is any problems. I'm seeing the fact that he is upset when I leave him as a positive - he has a good attachment and likes me to be there with him! We send him with a sticker of him plus me, or him plus M or him plus the dog, so he can see us. I've got a photo laminated and put in his bag which the staff know if he gets unsettled they can pull out.

I hope we've made the right decision... sometimes it feels so mean to leave him there!

Beds...

We'd talked about it for a few weeks, but last weekend we put boy-o into a 'big boy's bed', it's been both positive and negative.

When boy-o moved in back in March, he went into a cot as that was what he had slept in at his foster carers. He settled into sleeping into his new room, in his cot. He isn't necessarily the best of sleepers, but once he is asleep he stays asleep (mostly, we are over the nightly night terrors!). However, he is a tall and well built young man, and lifting him in and out of a cot isn't good for our backs!

Last Saturday we took day his cot, and put a very low bed in it's place. Boy-o was present when M was doing this, we were talking about it for the whole day, we got him excited about his new bed. We went for a long walk in the afternoon, and by bedtime he was knackered... we put him to bed and he pretty much went straight to sleep. The same on Sunday.

During the week it's been a bit more hit and miss. Sometimes he's gone straight off, sometimes he hasn't. But we will get there.

We were told he was a good sleeper, but it's come out over the past 8 months that he's not good at getting to sleep. This is something that we have now acknowledged, and we are dealing with. Once asleep he does mostly stay asleep - until 7.30 in the morning. This morning when I went in to him about 8.00 he'd obviously been awake for a bit and got out of bed to get a book - which he proudly showed me on his bed! 'book, book'

The moral - we were worried about it - no need to be, his sleeping is no better and no worse than it was previously. And the report selling him as a good sleeper - wasn't necessarily correct!

Blogging and why it's good for me!

I forgot for a while why I started blogging.... and after a tearful phone call this morning I have remembered. This blog has always been my free therapy... and the need for that hasn't disappeared, no matter how my life has changed. I've hung back on blogging because in the middle of infertility there is nothing worse than stumbling over a blog and finding someone talking about a child. But this is my blog, and I shall write what I need to write here - and I apologise if I upset anyone - but we have adopted, this is now a blog about adoption - and has been for a while. However, that's not to say that infertility is now dead and gone - trust me it isn't, there are little reminders all the time to make me catch my breathe.

There has been a lot on my mind the past couple of weeks, a lot surrounds boy-o, adoption and being an only child, some surrounds my friends - in particular one of my oldest friends, some of it is about family - although how much you want to hear about dementia and the geriatrics in my life is anyone's guess.

I think I need to get back into writing, and when I have done that I shall get back in commenting. I need to remember that this is my space; and I can write what I like about what's going on in my head.

So what prompted all this - the realisation that I hadn't slept well last night because my mind was churning. The consequence was that we took M to work this morning (as he also didn't sleep well) and when I returned I reversed onto the drive as I always do; stopped, but didn't put car into gear or pull the handbrake on enough... my drive slopes... the car slide into the front corner of the house! The house is fine - the car not so! However to my inexpert eye I've just damaged the paint. This means it is cheaper, but it's still money I don't want to spend, especially as the other car also needs some touching up.

I phoned M to let him know; and ended up in tears. And I've been feeling sick all morning. And I need to sleep better... consequently more blogging needs to occur!

I had to pause and reflect on the difference a week can make! Last week all the news was about how young people (and others) were causing damage in many of our cities (although not our local one!), today I got to see happy and celebrating young people!

I'd made a promise before I started adoption leave that if I possibly could I would go into school for the A level results. I was leaving my year 13 chemistry class, some of whom I'd first met when they were 11; and most of whom I'd taught for 5 years; year 9 through to year 13. It is a real privilege to see them grow from children into young adults, who are setting out into the world, full of hope.

Most of them managed to achieve the grades that they needed to get into the university courses that they wanted to go to. A few didn't get their grades, but most managed to find somewhere to go.

That's what I want for boy-o - not the allure of university, but the chance for him to do what he dreams of, whatever that is. My hope is that he manages those awful teenage years with grace (more than I did anyway) and that he never has to think back and say 'if only...' as just a few of our pupils did today!

Cake Bites....

I quite randomly decided last night that I really wanted to make some Cake pops, but of course there were things I had to do this morning, and none of it involved going anywhere near a shop that sells lollipop sticks.... so I've made Cake Bites today!

M and my sister have sampled and said, 'They are something else' (M) and 'I like that' (sister!). Tomorrow is their big test.... going to my friends with some; I'll need to know how long they last after her boys and husband get home.

I made 4 different flavours...
1. plain with jam and milk chocolate to cover
2. plain, coconut with lemon curd, and white chocolate and citrus sprinkles to cover
3. chocolate, covered with milk chocolate and hundred and thousands
4. chocolate with white chocolate drops, covered with milk chocolate and a snowie on top to identify them

I crumbled up my cakes (okay, this time I brought them, but next time I'll bake), added binding agents, (the plain cake I added buttercream icing and jam or lemon curd - the chocolate ones got buttercream icing and chocolate!). Having done this, I rolled into balls, put into the fridge for 30mins (would do longer next time) and covered!

Sadly no photos of producing them.... but photo of finished product... although not a very clear one! I might try harder next time to get decent photos on the way through, but this really was a trial.