Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Christmas is coming...

I'll write more, I optimistically told a friend.

You'll notice I'm failing badly... there are all sorts of excuses I can use; illness, exhaustion, Christmas, too much work, too much volunteering. All are valid - but I'm not sure that's the reason. I seem to blog when I need to get things out of my head, and when we are coping...even if it's only just coping I can leave my blog. This tends to mean that when I blog it is full of angst and anguish. But it's not all like that.

I am making time to blog today, because I am spending the morning with my boy... but he's having a nap. It's Tuesday I should be at work, but it's a consultation day, and my joint form tutor wanted to leave early. I said I was happy to do the later slot, but I wasn't going into work before I dropped boy-o off at nursery. So that is what is happening... which is good because for reasons that I'm not going into right now, I stupidly agreed to work extra days this week! This morning is my time with him.

He's tired at the moment, he's not sleeping well. There is too much happening out of the normal for his comfort. I can see his panic setting in. His teacher at nursery has done her best to accommodate him, but there comes a point when nativity rehearsals have to happen, and they have to happen out of the classroom. He has been thrown by things happening at weekends that don't normally happen...School Christmas Fairs, Village Christmas celebrations. It's all too much for him.

He needs lots of love and cuddles at the moment. We are trying to be therapeutic, we are trying to understand, but it's not easy when we are all tired. It was at the point on Sunday when he didn't want cuddles, didn't want to be carried, didn't want to walk, didn't want to ride on Daddy's shoulders that we gave up and came home, after just 30 mins out in the village.

Every day is a fresh chance, every day starts anew... and everyday starts well.

Some of what we are dealing with is age related. Lots of 3 year old's are tired and not coping. And we do try to assign a lot of the behaviour to this, but at times he gives us a glipse of his bigger worries. And when he does we try to reassure him... at the moment mention a party and he bursts into tears - it's one of his big things, and with so much being different at the moment, he can't deal with the emotions it brings - not that he can tell us that.

Christmas is coming, school holidays are coming, we have visitors staying over night (for the first time in 21months!) I'm dreading all of it - whilst hoping my fears are unfounded. Although we have lots happening in the holidays, we have managed to plan lots of 'us' days where we have nothing to do.

But between all that and now, we have his nativity to get through. We have a Brownie sleepover. We have a fun afternoon planned in the park with some other adoptive families. My old mantra has come back into force... one day at a time, and if not a day, then one hour at a time.

And in the middle of this... we are waiting for a social worker to visit to talk about the possibility of doing it all again!


Vicki N said...

Again? Wow! Brilliant!

I was just posting on another blog how lucky I am that Christmas doesn't affect Mini negatively...he seems reasonably calm this time of year and we have ways of coping.

But I do so understand how the routine changes, new things, different things, lots of events/days out/parties/family etc can unsettle adopted children, and it seems that so many are placed around December, bringing naturally negative associations to this festive period.

Good luck for the rest of December, and do enjoy the family time you have planned x

Emily said...

Hooray for doing it all again! You are such sensitive, careful, doting, loving parents. Kudos for being aware that all this change in routine is hard for boy o and accommodating him when you can.

Did I tell you that we are considering a permanent move to the UK? In a year or two? Maybe I will email you to talk about it more. We would likely end up in Devon.