Thursday, 24 June 2010

grumpy and moody

Sometimes it is hard to shake what you've lived through;

times when someone is moaning about their children
times when someone announces their pregnancy (on facebook no less)
times when I am forced to go back through our infertility journey
times when I am asked when I felt when I miscarried and how we coped
times when you are tired anyway and sleep will not come
times when you realise that you are changed completely from where you started

I'm looking for some positivity from somewhere, and it's hard to find this week. I've been horrid to work with, because I've been grumpy, and I can't shake it. I've been wondering around unable to settle to anything.

Here's hoping tomorrow will be a better day...


Ashlee G. said...

ahh, turn that frown upside down!

I understand some of your frustration. Currently 3 of my 5 sister in laws are pregnant. One of the un-preggers just had a baby. So it's just me, and my youngest sister in law that keep getting that look and those questions.

You know what I'm talking about. They don't get it. And I can't even talk to my SIL about it. She has a "normal" cycle and has only been married since Jan and is like 20. I love her, but what does she know. I'm not one to talk either, I've only been trying for a year- but I've got legit issues.

Sorry, you're probably thinking who the crap am I. haha.

Hopefully you can cheer up! I'm here for some positive chit chat if you need it!

Ashlee, ICLW #180

C said...

hi, first time to your blog! i too have tried to get pregnant for 11 years. went through everything you mentioned except IVF. we decided to adopt. within 2 years we were done our case study and accepted. 9 months later, we got THE call that our son was born, we got him [nicholas] @ 3 days old. 3 years later, our daughter emily came to us @ 3 days old.

to make a very complicated, long story, short... by the time we'd been married 18 years, our marriage fell apart. he was gonna leave when i got very sick, went to the dr.'s and was told i was pregnant!!!
after alex was born, we had sex one more time and christopher was made! he left us before christopher was born.

today all is well. my youngest just graduated from high school and starts college in august.

i too have polycystic ovarian syndrome.

i hear you in every aspect of the word when you explain how it feels to want a baby more than anything... how you live from cycle to cycle and it consumes your life, your soul.. how it feels to wonder why evil people are allowed to get pregnant only to abort, when you guys want one so bad and you would be great parents... its just not fair. and how outside society and family and friends can unintentionally hurt you. i went through it too. i think we all do. i am leaving a comment because if you get anything at all out of my post i want it to be hope. yes, you ARE doing all you possibly can. god will do the rest. and you never know what you will be given within the next few years. trust me hon, if you end up adopting and getting preggers down the line, you will feel the same and love them all the same. its a miracle both ways, i promise. one is NOT better than the other. i pray you have success and i look for wonderful things to come your way.

remember, waiting is a verb. you are STILL doing SOMETHING even when waiting.

there IS a special someone being made just for you!

if you ever wanna just vent, i'm here for you.


Suzy said...

Oh honey have I ever been there. I have spent a lot of time in the same place as you, and it can be SO HARD be be positive, even for a minute.

For me, I find that going for a walk on my own out in the sunshine REALLY helps. I go for a walk and get a coffee and just sit outside for awhile and think. Often I can see all the good in my life a little clearer when I do that, and I come home a little refreshed. Sometimes the feeling only lasts a few minutes, or an hour, but sometimes it kickstarts me into feeling a little better.

Some days its just like a weight on your shoulders, isnt it? We have all been there. It is part of this journey, and while it sucks, I promise you, that you will come out of it a stronger, more compassionate person.

Much love

Musewander said...

Sorry it's been such a rough time for you lately... this IF stuff never seems to get easier, does it?

Hang in there... Hoping your weekend brings some light your way~

Sabrina said...

I hear ya. I've been in a funk for awhile now. I went for a long jog in the sun this morning and feel quite a bit better (surprise). So, maybe, if you can swing it, 15 minutes in the sun might help?

As a sidebar, I wonder if anyone anticipated how much more Facebook would make IF suck.

Thanks for stopping by my blog! ICLW #41

daega99 said...

I've been in this spot many times as well.....


Hannah said...

Oh, I hope your Friday was better! I was feeling like that before my IUI, I couldn't shake my grumpy nervousness. Hope you're doing better and have a great weekend. Thanks for your encouraging comments.