Friday, 20 July 2012

a letter...

Dear Judgemental Parent, 
I am really glad that your child is perfect. I know that your child would never have a tantrum anywhere at anytime. I also know that your child will do exactly what you tell them when you ask them first.

I know that your wonderful offspring would never throw anything, hit anything, or break anything. I know that your child is always well dressed in clean clothes. I know that you spend your time reading books with them, and helping them to understand the world around them. I know that your child can count to 10 - possibly in a different language, I know that your child can identify what colour something is, I know that your child can dress themselves, never has accidents whilst wearing big boy pants, and is now nappy free at night.

I would like to congratulate you on your amazing parenting skills.

Oh - I'd also like to congratulate you on having a child that has never seen the other side of life, and doesn't know that bad things can and do happen.

Because whilst you look at my boy with your judgemental eyes and see all the things he is and shouldn't be, all the things he can't do, but should be able to, all the things he does do that he shouldn't. I look at my boy and see how far he has come...I look with amazement at what he has overcome and what he has dealt with. And I see my boy with his smile and happiness, and I am proud.

Yes, he isn't perfect. No, he can't do those things that your child can. Yes, he will still throw a tantrum. But he has overcome some powerful stuff that I hope your child never has to deal with in their childhood.

My boy has lost two sets of parents - his birth parents and his foster parents.
My boy has moved at the age of two, to a completely different life, with new people and new expectations.
My boy didn't walk outside the house until he was 2
My boy was pre-verbal at 2
My boy met his parents at aged 2
My boy is still learning what it means to be in a family - forever

You stand there and shake your head at my boy; I stand and watch in wonder. And I am proud of him and how far he has come.

I know that he will get there and be an amazing young man in a few years time. He has dealt with more than most people deal with in their adult lifes - and I hope he continues to deal with the fall out with grace and wonder not bitterness.

Yes, I look at him with eyes full of love; but he deserves that. I know he's not perfect, but I know that he is perfect for us.


Gil said...

He IS perfect for you! I'm so glad you see that side and celebrate everything that is very much worth celebrating! Screw the judgemental parent.

Stix said...

Absolutely - screw the judgemental parent and all the judgemental people.
Our kids have so much to contend with emotionally that sometimes the other 'normal' stuff takes a bit what!

Well done to your son on coming so far already x

ArwenRose said...

Hi from ICLW :) This is a heart breakingly beautiful post. Your boy has overcome things adults won't even have so screw those judgmental parents indeed!

Patience said...

What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing this. Hoping that your son doesn't have to face the judgement of people like her in the years to come.

Here from ICLW

Emily said...

Preach it, sister.

Ren said...

Hello from ICLW! Judgmental people are so aggravating - they have not been in your shoes, or your sons - they should not have such opinions.


Kerry Murphy said...

Well said.

Stopping by from ICLW,
Kerry @ Our New Normal

Ducky said...

What a wonderful post. Your son will have seen the difficulties in life but also have the opportunities because of you. I'm sure he will be a great young man.

ICLW #27

Liddy said...

Preach It!

Glad to see you blogging (okay, I know I was the one who took the hiatus). Yet, it is so nice to see a familiar place as I am making my return.

An ICLW Visit from #63
liddy @ the unfair struggle (mfi, speedskating, 1st 2ww)

InfertileFirstMom said...

So glad my first glimpse at your blog was this post. Loved it. I was picturing those judgmental parents swallowing your words whole, and choking on them a little. I'm glad you found my blog through ICLW, so that I could find yours. Looking forward to following your journey.