Sunday, 15 April 2012

adoption support thoughts....

There are so many partially written blog posts - so much that I planned on sharing; parties, night terrors, Easter, hope, days out, potty training - but they haven't been finished and they may never be. I need to get back to this properly as the outlet for my head - this thought occurred to me at 3 o'clock this morning when I was awake again as I have been more often than not this week, not because boy-o is waking but because my head is whirring.

I am incredibly grateful that the LA that we adopted through recognises the support that adopters need and provides an outlet for it. Before I went back to work boy-o and I regularly went to the adoption playgroup; sadly it's on a day that I work, but they do hold them through school holidays, so this past week we went. And there are many things that I love about that group of parents.

Today that support continued because we went to the birthday party of a little boy that we know - who belongs to that group and I spent a long time talking to another adoptive mother who was there. Who understood why I blanched when someone said 'boy-o is really good, he doesn't cry when he falls over' - no because he spends his life falling over - which isn't normal, however to be fair is probably to do with his size than he is adopted. We talked about the night terrors and the fact it means that there is something deep sited in his head that we need to get to grips with; it's not one of those things. We commiserated about the people who say 'he'll be okay' because it's possible - that they won't.

I can't explain how much I value the support those adoptive parents give me, and how much I feel I am able to give them. It is a sharing experience - and as I commented to M on the way home - at the moment we haven't got much experience yet but it will come. And before any tells me off for borrowing trouble I shall repeat an important adoption related fact often quoted in UK adoption circles 1/3 of adoptive placements will have some problems, 1/3 will have significant problems, 1/3 will have severe problems. There must be some adoptive families who sail through will no problems, but they are so small in number that they aren't included in the figures. I hope and pray we land in the 1/3 with some problems.

Why am I turning this over in my mind... because it was suggested at the adoption playgroup on Fri that perhaps we should have a regular weekend meeting where we can get together and share and families can get to know each other even after the children are at school. I feel called to do something about this; it feels massively important to me - and so I shall continue to dwell.

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