Monday, 22 June 2009

Tentatively stepping forward

I wonder if sometime in the future whether Wednesday 17th June 2009 will be forgotten or whether it is a date that M and I will remember forever.

We went to the local adoption agency information evening (we went before in Nov) and had a good long chat to adoptive parents who have been through the process. We also had a good talk to a social worker (SW), and came away with a registration form to fill in. Not to think about filling in, but to actually fill in.

We talked through the process with the SW and M got to understand more about the process - I've already done quite a bit of research. But we also got to ask questions and have an informal talk. The SW filled in a basic form, who we are, why we want to adopt, what sort of child/children we want to adopt, and what experience we have of children.

We've both always imagined having 2 children - I don't think we would have 3 because I am a middle child of 3, and I have severe middle child tendencies that it has taken me years to come to terms with. But we talked about adopting a sibling group (or should that be pair). We talked about learning difficulties - to which I said it would depend on the child and situation. And we talked about 'not babies'.

We went to the pub on the way home, to sit and reflect. And M said perhaps we should consider adopting a 3 or 4 year old, because we aren't getting 'our' baby, and this won't replace 'our' baby, but we will build our family. And the more I turn the thought over in my head, the more it makes sense. I don't know if I can explain it any better than 'it feels right' to be talking about adopting a child not a baby.

11 comments:

Dawn said...

I understand completely what you mean about "feeling right". I too believe in the power of those feelings. The only thing I'd caution you on is the understanding that 3-4 year old children almost always come to adoption from hard places. That may be even more reason to want to adopt them, but it is also more reason to get information on the unique challenges and blessings of adopting a "not baby". We've done a number of Creating a Family shows on adopting toddlers and preschoolers. I would encourage you to listen to a few. You can find them all at www.CreatingaFamily.com on the radio page and there is no charge. We also list some books to read on the website that might be helpful. Adopting toddlers is wonderful, but even more so if you are prepared. I wish you the very best of luck.

Dawn Davenport
Creating a Family: Talk about Infertility and Adoption

Cassandra said...

You may not remember the date of 17 June (though now that it's recorded on your blog, you could always look it up) but I'd guess that you'll remember the evening forever.

Best of luck with the adoption process!

Cassandra said...

Oh, and happy ICLW!

WiseGuy said...

I hope that the adoption works out, and you get to have the family you always longed for!

ICLW

Beautiful Mess said...

Whatever feels right to you and your hubby then it IS right! Good luck with the process!
*HUGS/ICLW*

Melissa G said...

Congratutlations on moving forward with Adoption! I hope you are able to go through the process quickly.

And I know exactly what you mean about when it just feels right.

iclw

A Mom in Jacksonville, FL said...

Hooray! I am pleased that you and your DH have found something that "feels right" for you. How wonderful!
Good luck as you continue your adoption journey. :)

*ICLW*

Mrs. Gamgee said...

no matter how tentative, I think your steps forward are brave and amazing. Blessings on you as you continue on this journey!

Michelle said...

"feels right" is probably the best feeling to follow--your heart will lead you to your family one way or another. I still remember that feeling when I "knew"...the drive home from our agency's orientation was 5 years ago and I still can remember the lightness and serenity I felt! Good Luck!

Lisa RM said...

Good luck with your decision, whether a baby or not, children need love.

ICLW

Michelle said...

Good luck! I have been struggling to figure out if God is pointing us to adoption. I think it's too early to tell. But, if it's feeling right for you, I say go for it! Happy ICLW!
~Michelle