Tentatively stepping forward

I wonder if sometime in the future whether Wednesday 17th June 2009 will be forgotten or whether it is a date that M and I will remember forever.

We went to the local adoption agency information evening (we went before in Nov) and had a good long chat to adoptive parents who have been through the process. We also had a good talk to a social worker (SW), and came away with a registration form to fill in. Not to think about filling in, but to actually fill in.

We talked through the process with the SW and M got to understand more about the process - I've already done quite a bit of research. But we also got to ask questions and have an informal talk. The SW filled in a basic form, who we are, why we want to adopt, what sort of child/children we want to adopt, and what experience we have of children.

We've both always imagined having 2 children - I don't think we would have 3 because I am a middle child of 3, and I have severe middle child tendencies that it has taken me years to come to terms with. But we talked about adopting a sibling group (or should that be pair). We talked about learning difficulties - to which I said it would depend on the child and situation. And we talked about 'not babies'.

We went to the pub on the way home, to sit and reflect. And M said perhaps we should consider adopting a 3 or 4 year old, because we aren't getting 'our' baby, and this won't replace 'our' baby, but we will build our family. And the more I turn the thought over in my head, the more it makes sense. I don't know if I can explain it any better than 'it feels right' to be talking about adopting a child not a baby.

More talk...

I did have that conversation with the deputy last week. But I bottled it... and then I thought and realised that I needed to speak again, but wrote down what I needed to say. I printed it out and went to see him as soon as I arrived in school... he wasn't in his office, or the other twice that I tried before school. As I was teaching for the rest of the day I decided to leave it until another day and put the paper in my desk drawer.

During my third lesson I came across the piece of paper, and as I had a good friend in the classroom (as a support teacher) and I knew it would make her laugh I showed it to her. She read it, and then went to the door... 'I'll just take it down to him now'. Which made me cough and splutter, but in the end agreed it was probably easiest.

So she went, and give it to him, which made him worry, because he thought he'd done something wrong. She reassured him and said 'no, it was just that I needed to explain some things a little more'. And gave him my list, and then strolled back to my classroom.

The next time I saw the deputy it was whilst I was chatting to some pupils about their work, which he needed to know was sorted. So my first conversation after 'the list' was mundane and went something like 'C... has finished all her science'. The next one occured after school whilst I was chatting to friend who'd stolen the list and given it to him. I asked if it was okay, he said yes - and not to forget his door is always open... (yes - but he's not always there!)

So my list...

M...
It was pointed out to me that I might have left out a few important points when I spoke to you...


1. I don’t expect sympathy ever – I do need sympathy sometimes, but I will always speak to the people who know how to support me best
2. I can deal with my life, in my way – it might not be the best way but it’s the only way I can cope.
3. I can be incredibly self-centred and want allowances to be made when things are tougher than normal.
4. I am angry about the situation and sometimes that anger is immense
5. My self-confidence has taken beating
6. I’m honest enough to admit to jealousy
7. The past 6 years of treatment have been beyond horrid and the time before treatment was not much better.
8. I have 3 different issues that make me infertile; the worst of these problems at the moment is causing me a lot of pain – and consequently when I spoke to the consultant last week I agreed to have hormone treatment for the next 6 months.
9. The 2^nd of those issues means I that I don’t do well with too many hormones – and by not well I may randomly end up in tears or raging.
10. I am a mess 90% of the time when I am not teaching – it’s why I mope around unless I am feeling particularly motivated.
11. It is not in my plans to be a ‘career teacher’. I love teaching and I don't want to leave my classroom to be a manager anytime soon.