5 months...

Poor Jelly doesn't often get a look in on the blog...boyo dominates. I promise it isn't that way in real life! But today 5 months since he moved in is a good time to reflect on the littlest member of our family. 

Back in Aug he was still learning to walk, today he was running around the house chasing boyo, the dog or me. 

In Aug he was relatively quiet...he's been here for 5 months, if I can't hear him, I wonder what h's doing. He has started talking, his first recognisable word was his big brothers name.

5 months ago, we didn't know how two boys who were used to living as single children would cope...ummm, they run circles round us, continuously. Jelly hates taking boyo to school, he loses his playmate/tormentor/victim.

He came to us as a baby, and is now a toddler. He has his likes and dislikes, and is not afraid of letting us know. He knows his mind.

He adores going out for walks and been carried either in the back lack or the sling, but he now wants to walk as well as be carried.

He is a complete monkey, and will wind us all up...he adores buttons, and presses any he can get to...thank goodness my washing machine is behind a closed door! 

We can vaguely remember life before Jelly, mostly that it contained more sleep...but none of us would be without him, apart from the dog...they are not friends!

Limbo...

At the moment we are waiting...

Waiting for the community paedriciation appointment, as the acute paedriciation feels it would be better for boyo to be seen at a different place - I don't disagree! But know we are starting from point 1 again with someone who doesn't know him

Waiting for occupational health and physiotherapy appointments..they are supposed to be assessing his motor skills possibly looking towards a diagnosis of dyspraxia.

Waiting for CAHMS to decide whether to assess him or whether he is too young.

Waiting for a decision on DLA, so we can work out what I need to work next academic year, before seeing the head! 

Waiting for the Ed pysch to see him at school, and look at starting the statementing process...or it's replacement, no-one seems sure yet. 

And...finally...we are waiting for a moving date, because we didn't think we had enough going on so decided to move as well...Okay the house has been on the market for a while, and we have found a house with bigger rooms, and most importantly a bigger back garden...which was why I wanted to move! 

So life at the moment is a waiting game...at some point before my adoption leave runs out hopefully things will resolve themselves and we will have answers! 

A space to run....

So there is a new linky at The Adoption Social called The Things We Do. Somewhere to link up and share ideas that make a difference in their lives. 

So I was thinking of the things we do to make life easier for us and for the boys... 

Boyo is calmest when he has space to run. Around us we have lots of open space, where we can go to walk the dog, and he can run. He knows the rules... if I shout 'stop' he must stop, if there is any kicking of leaves near dogs or other children, we will leave, if he has a tantrum and lies down on the floor, I will stop for a minute and offer words of comfort, but I will then continue, he will need to catch up and finally, stay away from streams, rivers, becks, ponds, lakes or any other body of water larger than a puddle. 

His favourite place is near a road, and we only go there when I can absolutely trust that he will hear me and react when I need him to. His second favourite is nearby woods - with a short walk from a car park to the woods and no roads nearby. Space to run and hide and to just exist. It helps us through our days! 

2013 in review...

January - started with conversations with boyo about having a sibling, and a meeting with a social worker about adoption number 2.  Boyo also started to show more understanding about adoption and the idea that he had a Mummy before me.

February - contained the down days that it does, as I remembered my worst miscarriage, contained a week off work, a birthday. a celebration of meeting boyo and a waiting for paperwork.

March - a month of momentous and less momentous occasions. We went to the LA adoption celebration, I had an OFSTED inspection at work, boyo had a birthday and a party, and we had a parent's evening - including the start of transferring from nursery to reception.

April - thoughts about life story work, and a life story book dominated my mind, along with the progress of a second adoption and meeting friends in the park.

May - contained a holiday - and many thoughts that have now gone from the blog as a couple of people in real life found my blog and caused me to go through and delete things from the past! We also found out about Jelly - and had to take an unbelievably difficult decision.

June - started with thoughts of giving up blogging, an accidental meeting of Jelly (by M), a definate link, a death and a funeral.

July - meant approval panel, school holidays, seeing boyo's birth brothers, the start of the worry about reception year for boyo, and a choking incident at school nursery.

Aug - school holidays and all that means, were pleasantly interrupted by introductions, and some difficult behaviour from boyo

Sept - reception year started with little success, and we had a visit from after adoption to talk about life story work.

Oct - was about survival, and the realisation that things were more than a little difficult and we needed help.

Nov - started with national adoption week, a post I shared on facebook, that made it's way back to boyo's school (must remember 1 of my fb friends works in the other reception class), boyo having a really bad day at school, and a conversation about a 'statement'. There was a week of meetings; from a LAC review for Jelly, to Post Adoption Support for boyo, GP's, health visitor, friends with DLA conversations, and a meeting with the SENCO...oh and complaints about my stance on photos at school!

Dec - was busy - hence the two posts - one Secret Santa post and one review of Christmas - without the hard stuff.

So 2013 has passed, the last few months in a blur. I hope 2014 gives us time to relax more. I have less expectations - can things not get worse please, and can we get boyo attending full time school sometime this academic year - preferably before I go back to work. However, we hope we have one big change coming - a house move is very much on the cards, to a bigger house with a much bigger garden.

Wishing you all a Happy New Year - and for those expecting great things - I hope you have a wonderful 2014.

Christmas in short...

I started writing a different post about Christmas but realised that I didn't want to commit this year in total to memory...so a few highlights...

1...seeing boyo interact with the older girls who do playground buddy duty at school...we went to a Christmas Eve party at friends house (the mum of one of the girls) and boyi was so excited because of the girls who would be there

2...baking....we made biscuits, sweets, chocolate, gingerbread reindeer and cakes....I am especially proud of my Christmas tree cake.

3...jelly has got to meet more of our families, in gentle batches but has met more of them, and charmed them

4...boyo recovering some of his joy in life...his best two presents, his marble run and a 2 foot inflatable remote control car...he has actually played properly with both of them.

5.... Jelly right now exploring his cousins playroom... As cousins and boyo are all fast asleep upstairs still! He is having a lovely time thanks

6....spending time with family and the family that we choose (our friends) 

We will not talk about the sleepless nights, tantrums, screaming and black is white syndrome because I will it agree with my Mummy! This too will pass....I hope. 

Secret Santa

So The Adoption Social decided to allow us to give another adoption blogger a present, and receive one in return. The post below is a guest post written by Puffin Diaries, I think it's amazing and hope that you do to. I feel honoured to have the chance to share this post with you, as Sarah at Puffin Diaries is one of the people who started The Adoption Social, which has brought together an amazing community of bloggers and twitterati. 


The Boy by the Tree

I take a wooden reindeer and place it on the tree,
“This one is for my Nana and all she did for me”
The boy has chosen his first and reaches on up high,
“This one for my mum, I hope she is alright”.
The boys face reflected in the bauble,
All shiny round and gold,
He holds my heart in that tiny moment,
And for him I’d give the world.
He’s thinking of his lost mum and wonders does she care?
Will I see her one day, this world is so unfair.
A Gentle rub of back, to ensure he is okay, 
And offer of a chocolate, sweetness to allay, 
All the fear and sadness that sometimes can all only be,
Inside the head of the boy standing by the tree.

The annual debate...-

The annual debate started today outside of school... following an email from school, parents are not allowed to take photos of their child during the Christmas show or allowed to video it. They will be able to take photographs after the show, once those children who school doesn't have photo permission for have left the stage. I missed the conversation, as boy-o is still finishing school early, but I heard it all last year, and I know it's happened as a friend who doesn't want photos of her child online is a little (!) upset/fuming

Parents don't like been told that they can't record their child's show. Apparently it isn't fair that a parent who doesn't want a child to have a photo should stop anyone else recording theirs. How can some parents be so selfish as to stop school (and parents) photos of their children. Moan, moan, groan.

Now, I know that about 50% of boy-o's class mates parents know he is adopted, and appreciate my stance on photos. But there are the other 50% and the whole other class...minus my friend. I will tell anyone who mentions it to me, exactly why I don't want photos of my child... and it isn't just because they are adopted!

When I am at work, I spend a lot of time talking to teenagers about the fact that any photos, any facts, anything that they put on the internet, is there forever. That they can post something, later regret it, delete it, and it will still be on the internet. An image can be copied and stored. Information is stored. It is there FOREVER. And you can't do a thing about it. And that is a pretty good reason, not to record every moment on their life online.

My boys have a right to privacy... like we had. My friends know what I want them to know. They don't know what my parents want them to know... (mostly, MIL is a different story). My childhood is recorded in photos and oral stories, I have a shared history with my parents, siblings, cousins and forever friends. No-one that I meet on the street, in a group, wherever, is going to log into a website and see photos of my childhood... because they are mostly at my parents house (and will remain so). That's not to say that there aren't random photos on fb from my childhood... that I've put up, or one of my friends has. But there is nothing more embarrassing than dodge 90's glasses to worry about.

My boys are adopted within our area (from the local agency). I know where their birth parents live. There are places I don't take them to. I have friends who live near friends, who live in these areas. Someone I know could comment on a photo of boy-o that I am tagged on, someone else could see it and put two and two together. Suddenly birth parents know where we live... and where he goes to school.


If you want to think more about this have a look at these links

http://www.stirrup-queens.com/2013/06/dont-post-pictures-of-my-kids-on-facebook/
http://www.slate.com/articles/technology/data_mine_1/2013/09/facebook_privacy_and_kids_don_t_post_photos_of_your_kids_online.html
http://healthland.time.com/2013/09/06/should-parents-post-pictures-of-their-kids-on-facebook/