Secret Santa

So The Adoption Social decided to allow us to give another adoption blogger a present, and receive one in return. The post below is a guest post written by Puffin Diaries, I think it's amazing and hope that you do to. I feel honoured to have the chance to share this post with you, as Sarah at Puffin Diaries is one of the people who started The Adoption Social, which has brought together an amazing community of bloggers and twitterati. 


The Boy by the Tree

I take a wooden reindeer and place it on the tree,
“This one is for my Nana and all she did for me”
The boy has chosen his first and reaches on up high,
“This one for my mum, I hope she is alright”.
The boys face reflected in the bauble,
All shiny round and gold,
He holds my heart in that tiny moment,
And for him I’d give the world.
He’s thinking of his lost mum and wonders does she care?
Will I see her one day, this world is so unfair.
A Gentle rub of back, to ensure he is okay, 
And offer of a chocolate, sweetness to allay, 
All the fear and sadness that sometimes can all only be,
Inside the head of the boy standing by the tree.

Christmas has been and gone...

I had to laugh when I was talking to my friend this week... she has brought me a gorgeous notepad and pen for Christmas. This is so, (she explained) that when I can't blog something, I can write it down and blog it later... I will put it somewhere obvious so that I can use it so.

Christmas was too busy, and therefore too much fallout. But because most of the time was spent with people he isn't fully confident with we saved fallout for home.

We started by seeing his foster carers; the weekend before Christmas; as always he loved it, they loved it, we all loved it. But he always struggles a little with those visits - but it's so worthwhile doing. Especially as he brought their present little foster girl out of her shell, and they ended up scattering jigsaws, games and toys all over the kitchen floor. They were delighted because they hadn't seen the girl play with such joy before. We spent time talking about them when we got home, reminded boy-o that he is staying with us, that we might visit them, but he's not going back.

The Sunday brought Santa Express with our friends. We go to a lovely quiet Santa Express, and we got seats just behind the engine, which all the boys loved. It was a good afternoon, and we went back to the friends house afterwards and the boys got to play more.

On Christmas Eve we went to a party at a friends house... it's a house that boy-o is familiar with, and we only went because I knew that nobody there would judge us if we left early... as it was he was happy joining in as much as the next youngest child. And everyone there (bar one family) knows us, and knows him, so he was happy being gorgeous.

Christmas day, was in parts magically, and in parts awful. We didn't wake up until 7.30; and he sat on our bed with his stocking and unwrapped presents. We went to Church, and he took a toy to show off, and then refused to do so. We came home opened presents, went to my parents had a meal. Came home and went to bed. Missing out the strops, tantrums, tears, shouting and the rest.

Boxing day we went to M's sisters - which was lovely as he got to play with this cousins. The following day we went for a walk.

We had spent lots of time dealing with an out of control three year old, or possibly dis regulated. He has struggled, and it has been made worse because he's not been well. He's not caught up on all the sleep he needed to, because he's been awake on average 3 hours in the middle of each night. Needless to say - we also haven't caught up on all our sleep.

We have had a lovely time really, lots of family time, lots of good things. And whilst it not been easy, to be honest it hasn't been as difficult as I thought it might me.

and now - we sit staring at the end of 2012, there are many posts I should have written - there will be many more that I should write and don't. Hopefully sometime later this week I will write again about the possibilities of 2013 - and there are some. 

Christmas is coming...

I'll write more, I optimistically told a friend.

You'll notice I'm failing badly... there are all sorts of excuses I can use; illness, exhaustion, Christmas, too much work, too much volunteering. All are valid - but I'm not sure that's the reason. I seem to blog when I need to get things out of my head, and when we are coping...even if it's only just coping I can leave my blog. This tends to mean that when I blog it is full of angst and anguish. But it's not all like that.

I am making time to blog today, because I am spending the morning with my boy... but he's having a nap. It's Tuesday I should be at work, but it's a consultation day, and my joint form tutor wanted to leave early. I said I was happy to do the later slot, but I wasn't going into work before I dropped boy-o off at nursery. So that is what is happening... which is good because for reasons that I'm not going into right now, I stupidly agreed to work extra days this week! This morning is my time with him.

He's tired at the moment, he's not sleeping well. There is too much happening out of the normal for his comfort. I can see his panic setting in. His teacher at nursery has done her best to accommodate him, but there comes a point when nativity rehearsals have to happen, and they have to happen out of the classroom. He has been thrown by things happening at weekends that don't normally happen...School Christmas Fairs, Village Christmas celebrations. It's all too much for him.

He needs lots of love and cuddles at the moment. We are trying to be therapeutic, we are trying to understand, but it's not easy when we are all tired. It was at the point on Sunday when he didn't want cuddles, didn't want to be carried, didn't want to walk, didn't want to ride on Daddy's shoulders that we gave up and came home, after just 30 mins out in the village.

Every day is a fresh chance, every day starts anew... and everyday starts well.


Some of what we are dealing with is age related. Lots of 3 year old's are tired and not coping. And we do try to assign a lot of the behaviour to this, but at times he gives us a glipse of his bigger worries. And when he does we try to reassure him... at the moment mention a party and he bursts into tears - it's one of his big things, and with so much being different at the moment, he can't deal with the emotions it brings - not that he can tell us that.

Christmas is coming, school holidays are coming, we have visitors staying over night (for the first time in 21months!) I'm dreading all of it - whilst hoping my fears are unfounded. Although we have lots happening in the holidays, we have managed to plan lots of 'us' days where we have nothing to do.

But between all that and now, we have his nativity to get through. We have a Brownie sleepover. We have a fun afternoon planned in the park with some other adoptive families. My old mantra has come back into force... one day at a time, and if not a day, then one hour at a time.

And in the middle of this... we are waiting for a social worker to visit to talk about the possibility of doing it all again!

Hope

I had such a moment of clarity on Christmas Eve. I went to a Church Service, and I sat with my alternative family - my pseudo Mum & Dad, my pretend sister and her family. And I realised that, that moment will reflect the rest of my life. I may not share genetics with my future child/ren but they will be my family.

I have hope again, something that has been missing for a while. I have a future family. It may not happen in a traditional manner (although we bypassed traditional a while again), but we will have a family.

Christmas Wishes

I wish you joy,
I wish you hope,
I wish you peace,
Merry Christmas to all of you.

Yesterday I went to see my friend R. I sat and she baked and we chatted. We chatted about how much had changed in the past 12 months (for her as well as for me). She commented about how much more at peace I seem. And that what I wish for you all, peace.