Things I have learnt...

Social workers work at their own pace; and even when you think you are getting somewhere, it's never as fast as you would like.

That 7 years of infertility teaching you patience isn't enough... you can never be patient enough. I thought I'd learnt this, but apparently not.

Switching social workers just after panel means that you second guess yourself. Is it alright to call, to email. With our old social worker I would have done it with no concerns, no second guessing - but now... 'am I being too pushy'

That things that you hear that sound awful when you first hear them; can seem liveable with, with you've lived with them for a while.

That life carries on around you, no matter what.

That my DH was as happy as I was to hear from our social worker today, to arrange an appointment to meet boy-o's social worker next week.

That I love that man so much for all the comfort he's given me. That he lets me talk, and talk, and talk even when he doesn't want to. Because in this instant, he's the only one I could talk about boy-o to.

meal with other prospective adopters (mk2)

We've just got back from our second meal with the other prospective adopters from our preparation course. We had a lovely time, because these are other people that are going through the same things as us.

The next three panels have significance for the others we've been with. Just married couple are up for approval panel 2 weeks on monday. Racing ahead couple are going to matching panel 4 weeks on monday. Singleton is going to approval panel 6 weeks on monday.

We've seen photos of racing ahead couples baby boy. He's very cute and adorable. Very excited for them. We've been discussing all the things that they need to do, and what they need to buy.

It did remind me of all the conversations that M and I have had in the past 24hours, when we've suddenly realised that we might have a child placed in the new year. We've lots we need to do, some we ought to do, and some things we'd like to do. It seems a little overwhelming at the moment.

YES!

We got a yes... how exciting - although actually it feels like a bit of anti - climax!

We got there at the time we had been told, expecting to be told that they were running late... which they weren't.

We went into a meeting room and spoke with our SWs (both old and new) and discussed the questions that we the panel had put together for us. There was nothing unexpected it was as SW told us it would be.

After 15 mins, the vice-chair (chair of panel was absent) of panel came in and introduced herself to us, and asked us to go into the room where panel was sitting. The first thing that they did was introduced themselves; there was; Vice Chair, Adoption Agency Representative, two Minute Takers, an Adoptive Parent, Local City Councillor, Social Worker, Adoptee, Medical Advisor and one more person whose job I can't remember. Plus us and our two social workers.

The vice chair talked for a bit about what they perceived our strengths to be, and said that the report was a really good report. Then they got onto the scary bit... asking questions - 7 in total... the first two are standard questions.

1. Can you tell us about your experience of working with the Agency so far on your adoption assessment?

2. Can you tell us about the child or children that you can imagine in your family?

3. Can ME update panel about how she is doing with regards to her weight? (this was asked by medical advisor, who also explained that my medical condition (PCOS) made this harder than it was far some others)

4. What impact do Me and M feel placement of a child will impact upon their voluntary work?

5. Could M help panel understand his journey to adoption and what helped him to feel this would be OK?

6. Could M tell panel more about his particular interest in a boy?

7. What is the thinking about the age range of child M and Me are wishing to consider?

We were praised afterwards for being totally honest and our SWs were really pleased with how we had answered the questions. Old SW had a couple of comments to add after we'd given our answers, but they were impressed.

We went out and sat in the post-panel waiting room. We'd just about got ourselves sat down and chatting when the Vice-chair came in and said 'congratulations'. We talked a bit about how well they thought we'd considered the differing aspects of adoption and that the decision was unanimous. She left us to get ready for the next panel, and we spent a little time chatting to our SWs about next.

And next... next is waiting. New SW is coming next week to chat to us, and bringing us some mocked up profiles so that she can see what sort of child we are drawn to. We know that there will be no placement until after x-mas, but we might (if we are lucky) hear about a child sometime in the next couple of months.

approval panel

Tomorrow is our big day... approval panel.
We have to wait until 2.45 to met our social worker, who should have some questions for us.
We go into panel at 3.00.

I keep trying to remind myself that if there was any doubt our social worker wouldn't have let us get to panel.

But my mind freezes and I worry...

It'll soon be here, won't it?

evening out

Yesterday evening M and I had a meal with some of the people that we met on the adoption preparation course. We had a lovely meal, and had good adoption discussions. A & P have just this week being approved; and we spent a lot of time talking about their panel, and what happened. We talked about how our home studies were going.

It seemed so odd, to be going and meeting people, that we had met in such odd circumstances. It is even funnier that M's dad knows the dad of one of them. However, it was a good thing to do, and we have all agreed to do it again sometime soon; and to keep doing it.

Homestudy

We had another joint session today; since she last visited us our social worker has visited two of our referees, and M's parents and spoken to M's sister on the phone. She has arranged to see my sister next week.

Today we spoke about what we found out when we visited the adopters, and what we thought about that. We then went onto what is possibly the worst thing so far, although we were expected it. We looked at some children's profiles and discussed what different terms meant. We started to think about what we could cope with.

She has left us with some more profiles to study, an old copy of Be my Parent and some information about children that she has worked for. Next week we will look in detail at the list of issues that we can deal with, or not, or deal with in a limited way - i.e. we would need more information about that issue before taking a decision about a child. It's a horrid thing to have to do - but we have to be realistic.

Report finished!

65 pages of report written! Plus additional 4 pages on placement considerations and 3 pages on the dog! But it's done - at least until tomorrow when our social worker visits and needs some more work done!