update

I can't quite believe it's the end of January....many times this month, I've thought I need to blog about that, or think about this. But it's not happened. In brief, work, work, Christening (which was wonderful and deserves a post), parental issues - both mine and M's, work, other people's pregnancies and infertility. It's been a busy month!

I keep wondering if the reason I am struggling to blog, is because I'm a little lost with where to take the blog. Do I continue to blog about my issues with infertility - PCOS and endometriosis haven't been cured by adoption. Do I continue to blog about our adoption journey, what's happening and what's not. Do I blog as a mother? Or do I continue to use this space to empty my head - which is probably what I ought to do, accept that I won't ever keep everyone happy - but remember that this is my space.

2012 has started out to be a normal year. New friends to socialise with, new colleagues at work, old friends to socialise with, old colleagues to relax with. Boy-o is attending pre-school and loving it, although we had a rocky couple of weeks at the start of the month. I'm working 3 days a week, leaving him with 2 different childminders - which is working out really well. He adores his 'main' childminder and the other children that he sees there. He enjoys the experiences that he has with his other childminder. I'm not convinced I've done the right thing going back to work, but equally it is amazing when I'm there in the classroom, doing the job that I love.

However, in my mind there is a looming... boy-o's half brother was born at the end of last summer, last we heard they were starting adoption proceedings for him.....and there in lies the looming. There is a little thought sitting there, wondering... are we ready, is boy-o ready, or do we accept that we will only ever have the one child.

Finally - whilst I was exchanging texts tonight... I reminded myself how lucky we are! We seemed to have been blessed by one of the 1/3 of adopted children who have some problems, not one of the 1/3 with significant problems, or one of the 1/3 with severe problems. However, we did adopt a 2 year old, which we'd never intended to, we'd always talked about a 3 year old or 4 year old, and he has many, many 2 year traits... but we love and adore him, I can't imagine having any other child. He is ours, and he will always be one of us.