Return to work... and stuff!

I always feel a little down at this time of year - literally the day we break up for Christmas holidays - tomorrow I will feel fine, but today just a bit bluergh. I think that for so many years the start of the Christmas holidays has been about the ending of another year - and the things that have gone on in that year come and rest a while with me. I wonder if I'm struggling today, because although I have had an amazing year (with difficult patches make no mistake) but I know so many other people who haven't.

One of our Church friends died recently - don't get me wrong he wasn't young, but he lived on our road, and we always stopped and chatted when we saw him. I knew he wasn't well, I'd seen him recently - but to hear of his death.... we looked out the window one day and saw a police car and ambulance responder at his end of the street - and I didn't really think anything of it. Later I was told of his passing - and the fact that he died alone (it turns out his next door neighbour called for the police when he couldn't get a response) and no one at Church knew anything about his next of kin. To know someone, who was well known, liked and respected - and then think about him dying alone...

I have so many friends with so many things going on for them, big things and little things. Friends with partners with cancer, friends with ill children, friends who are spending the festive season alone, friends who are spending their first Christmas without a loved parent. I can't help but let my heart break a little for them. I know what it's like to dread Christmas, to not want to think about new life, to not want to celebrate...

But this year will be so different.... I have so many presents for our little chap. He is going to be spoilt - and not just by us. We are blessed - not just with boy-o (although he is a real blessing) but with so many lovely friends and family.

So that's the stuff - now the return to work!

Which has been good and bad and everything in between. I'm glad that I went back for those few days before Christmas - but it's broken my heart to leave boy-o. It was horrid this morning, when I said bye to him and put my ID badge on and he burst into tears and said 'NO'. He has enjoyed going to childminder 1's because I've kept reminding him that 'x, y and z' will be there who he loves. He also did really well on his day with childminder 2.

Been back at work has been difficult, it felt odd to be teaching - but having done 3 1/2 days, it feels normal again. It's odd not having a base - always had my own classroom in the past, now I travel. Picking up classes that are close to exams is always hard - and I have 3 lots with exams in January.

Seeing most people has been lovely - lots of hugs and smiles and joy. Lots of 'good to see you' and even some pupils threatening to hug me.... I backed away. But nice to know I've been missed. And good to have something other that my boy to worry about.

I'm glad I'm only part time. I'm not sure how I would feel leaving him 5 days a week. Having a long weekend, working 2 days, a day off, another day is actually working out okay - no matter how much the odd day grates! The best part when I picked boy-o up last week one day and we came home and he sat on my lap looking at something with me, giving me the biggest hug possible.

Lots to think about - lots to wonder about..... but I promise my next post will be more positive.... the Christmas spirit will arrive!